When Love Goes Unappreciated
Have you ever given a huge show of love to a woman, like buying her an expensive gift, or doing her a huge favor that took a lot of effort, or giving her a big hug, that what we call Love Languages.
but she didn’t seem to appreciate it nearly as much as you expected her to?
That’s painful. And it’s inexplicable you can’t explain why she would NOT appreciate something like that, and so you conclude that she doesn’t love you after all.
Careful, though. It’s never good to jump to conclusions, especially when it comes to love and relationships.
Here’s why: Her “love language” might be different from yours.
What is a Love Language?
In case you haven’t heard of the five love languages before, they were developed and put forward by Gary Chapman in his 1995 book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.
In the book, Chapman claims that there are five “love languages,” or preferred ways to express love to a romantic partner. These are:
- Words of affirmation. This is when you show love by expressing it verbally, through compliments, or by thanking her for the smallest gestures.
- Gifts. This is when you show your love by giving her gifts, big or small. This love “language is where “the thought counts” the most.
- Acts of service. This is when you show your love by DOING things for her. You take out the trash, you wash the dishes for her, or you let her take a nap while you take care of the baby.
- Quality time. This is when you show your love by spending quality time with her. You’re fully present you give her your undivided attention while she tells you about her day, about what’s bothering her, and about her opinions in life.
- Physical touch. This is when you show your love by hugging her, kissing her, tickling her, playing “tag,” or making passionate love to her.
Chapman claims that every person has one primary love language and one secondary love language.
Now, scientifically, Chapman’s claims can’t really be proven. But his book has remained popular for more than 20 years, and countless happy couples swear by it so it would be unwise to disregard the power of love languages.”
What Love Languages Mean For Your Relationship
The key takeaway is this: There isn’t just one way to express love. There are many.
And if you express your love in your preferred love language and your woman doesn’t seem to appreciate it as much as you expected; then it’s probably because she doesn’t speak the same love language as you.
That’s also true of her. If she expresses her love in her preferred love language and you don’t show as much appreciation as she expects then she might resent it and feel unloved.
So you’ll need to do two things:
Observe her closely and find out what her primary love language is. You might even ask her directly if she has a preferred love language Chapman’s book has been around long enough that the idea of “love languages” is fairly common knowledge.
“You also need to communicate to her what YOUR preferred love language(s) are. Simply knowing what each other’s languages are just might save your relationship one day.
So check yourself, and check your woman as well. What love languages do you speak? What adjustments do you need to make?